so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
