my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
