I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
