Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
