you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
