...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
