Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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