We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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