well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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