so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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