did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
