Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Acid is not a monday night drug
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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