How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
