Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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