If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
