Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
