I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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