i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
