there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize