Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
