A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
