sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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