I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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