Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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