Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your penis caused this!
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