All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
