What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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