fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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