We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
