Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
