a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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