Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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