...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
