I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
