i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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