I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
