Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
