Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
