I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
