hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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