new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
4 words: hood of his car
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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