The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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