YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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