I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
