The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
