i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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