My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
