No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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