I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i believe in u and ur pee
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