enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
