I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
