Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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