god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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