He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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