I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
