she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
