I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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