im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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