Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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