He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
