That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i permit you to call me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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