I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
