One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
