I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
