You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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