u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
