It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were trust falling into bushes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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