i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
