So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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