I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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