Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
