You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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