Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
