Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
