She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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