Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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