No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
