In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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