At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
