Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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