clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
