I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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