This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
where are my eyebrows?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
